A bit of back ground info....

Well, I suppose if I'm going to be honest with myself, I may as well start at the beginning. I'm a 26 year old Mum to 3, and I've been struggling with my weight for 9 years....the same age as my eldest child. I think when you have a baby at 17, you lose a piece of yourself and I'm certain that's what started my downward spiral of binge eating and progressive weight gain. I went from being a weight and image conscious teenager with a very active social life to a stay at home Mum, with NO social life and a world that revolved around my new baby. It's easy to do I suppose...my baby just became more important than me, and I guess I just stopped caring. Every now and then I would become motivated to lose some weight, but it would soon be followed by excessive eating and then weight gain that exceeded what I'd lost! I tipped the scales at 115kgs in 2004...2 years after trying to conceive our second baby, and comfort eating because I was depressed. After finally getting pregnant and having our beautiful Ella in 2005, I lost weight...and fast! I was down to around 73kgs and I felt great, but that all came crashing down after discovering I was pregnant with Ryan. I ate obsessively. Sometimes I would try and hide it from my husband because I was embarrassed, and other times I didn't care....I would order pizza, and polish off nearly 2 pizzas by myself. I would eat constantly during the day, to the point of feeling sick and nothing was off limits. Ryan was born in December 06, and I vowed to lose the weight I had put on....at this stage I was around 110kgs. I joined the gym and kept it up for a couple of months...but I found it tiring with a new baby, and a husband who worked long hours. Thinking back, I set myself up to fail...I didn't want to do the work to lose the weight, and my head wasn't in the right place to do it. So, the weight came on and every Monday I would lie to myself and say 'right, this is it...time to get rid of this weight'...but by Monday afternoon, I was raiding the cupboards and eating anything and everything. People talk about what motivates them to lose weight, and for me, it's a few things....I want my husband to look at me like he used to and be proud of me. I want my children to have a healthy Mother who isn't too embarrassed to go swimming with them on the beach, or even just be seen in public! I want to feel like ME again...not just a Mum or a Wife, but ME. I want to get my confidence back....and to not feel awkward all the time. I want to be able to walk into a room and not be the biggest person there. I want to be able to wear the clothes I like and not just the clothes that fit me. I want to be able to eat in public and not feel ashamed. I want to make my parents proud....my weight has always been an issue for them (not that they've ever said...but I just know). It's time for me to stop hurting my body...and although I've already lost a significant amount of weight so far, emotionally I still have a long way to go, and I guess that's why I've started this blog...to help with that.