Well, I haven't posted in a while....

but things are going really well:) I've been getting on the treadmill 4 out of 7 nights and I've started to work on a toning routine....nothing technical, just sit-ups (at the moment I can only manage 50 at a time!) and while I'm doing my 10 Minute warm down on the treadmill, I lift a 2kg weight. But...my big exciting news is.....I'm 77kgs!!! OMG, I haven't been in the '70s' since I had Miss now 3.5! I only have to lose 4 more kilos and then my total weight loss will be 30kgs!! It's amazing to feel like the end of this journey is coming to an end, and then my new journey of maintaining my weight, healthy eating habits and exercising begins. I still have a decent amount of weight to lose, but to be honest...it feels easy now. I'm in such a great mind-set to do this. My only regret is that I didn't do this sooner...all those years of feeling uncomfortable and...well, unhappy. Not the usual sort of unhappiness that people feel, just one that would rear it's ugly head occasionally...like when we were at the beach and I felt like I couldn't swim with my children, or when we'd go to the park and I couldn't physically have a game of soccer with my family, or when Trevor and I would be going out for the evening and I would have a meltdown because I couldn't fit any of my clothes. I've decided I'm going to give myself Christmas day to eat, drink and be merry....but after Christmas Day, it will be business as usual..lol. I haven't got around to finding my USB cable, but I'm going to add some pics next week, after "The Wedding" when I'm (hopefully) looking OK. I'm still nervous about that bloody dress, as it's so far from my comfort zone, but I'm determined to wear it:)

The last couple of days have been good....

I just wish clothing stores would decide exactly what their sizing is...and make it the same everywhere! I was a little bit dejected when I bought a fitted T-Shirt in a size L, got it home, put it on, only to discover it's rather...errmm..fitting. It fits, but nothing is left to the imagination and it's quite clingy. It's annoying that I can be a 14 (at a squeeze) in one store, but be an XL in another store. Food wise I'm doing great...but I need to focus on the exercise more if I'm to continue losing weight the way I have. I haven't weighed myself in well over a week, but I would say I'm getting close to a 20kg loss....wow, it sounds like so much, but I feel like I still have so much more to go. I bought some Alpine Tea, which tastes like absolute crap...but it's definately getting things moving..lol. I'll post weight (and photos) as soon as I get some new scales:)

Weekends are the hardest...

Well, I made it through another weekend. I find them particularly challenging for a couple of reasons..1. In the past our weekends seem to revolve around food. If we go to the zoo, park, lake etc..we'll take a picnic basket of really yummy food, or we'll stop in at the bakery for lunch. If we're in town shopping, we'll stop in at the food court or cafe, if we're busy in the garden or redecorating (which is taking up most of our life at the moment), we'll end up getting take aways for dinner. 2. Trevor often works over the weekend and I find myself bored, with leads to boredom-eating....anyway, the weekend's over and I did well. I didn't manage to get on the treadmill, but food wise, I did ok. Watching the family eat Red Rooster on Saturday night almost killed me though, but I guess as the saying goes...that which doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger..lol. Lots of people commenting on the weight loss now, which is good...but it's certainly made me realise just how big I was...I mean it's taken for me to lose a LOT of weight, for people to really start noticing. I didn't get a chance to weigh myself yesterday either, but I'll get some scales this week...I think regular weigh-ins help. As soon as I find my USB cable, I'll upload some 'before' and 'now' pics as well:) Oh..and thanks to Liz (who's blog I'm following) I now have orange legs:/ So much for "gradually builds a light tan", as it said on the bottle...I now have orange knees, hands and white feet...why the heck didn't I think to put the tanning lotion on my feet??!! LOL

Election day!!!

How exciting! I walked down to cast my vote this morning, although with Ella and Ryan tagging along on their bikes, it wasn't much of a workout..lol. I'm feeling good today, hungry, but good. I'm waiting for Trevor to get home from work so that I can go and restock our empty cupboards. I meet up with some friends while shopping today, and they commented on my weight loss...I know it sounds vain, but I love getting compliments, it motivates me and it's reassuring to know that my hard work is paying off. I think I'm going to struggle tonight....my usual Election night celebration, consists of a bottle of good wine, some crackers, dips and cheese and an anti pasto platter..but tonight I'll have to settle for some fruit slices and 1 glass of wine. Breaking bad habits is definitely the thing I struggle with the most. Today I've eaten an apple, an orange and had my usual morning coffee, and if I get some time later I'll do 3-4kms on the treadmill. I'm gutted that my scales have broken as Sunday is 'weigh day'....I might pop into Briscoes tomorrow morning to pick up a new set. I'm pretty sure I'll have a loss this week, so seeing that will keep my spirits high:0) Well, that's it for today....but one last thing...GO NATIONAL!!

The realisation that I've done permanent damage:(

Well, here I am again. 3 times in one day...god, maybe this will become my new obsession! Losing weight is a great thing. Realising that you've done permanent damage to your body, is not. This morning, as I was standing naked in front of the mirror (not something I have forced myself to do for years) I realised that the weight I have put on over the years has done things to my body that no amount of weight loss will fix. And to tell the truth, I'm pissed off at myself. I have stretch marks in all sorts of places...stomach, breasts, behind my knees, under my arms. I'm worried about the excess skin under my arms (that flabby part that wobbles when you wave) and my stomach...that's not supposed to happen to me...It's only what happens to morbidly obese people (which if I had a BMI done, I probably would have found that my weight DID constitute Morbidly obese) What if I can never get rid of it? I bought a dress for an upcoming wedding and while I may fit it in time (size 14) I'm starting to doubt that I will look good in it....2 different things aren't they? Being able to fit something and actually looking bloody good in something. I'm anxious about this wedding as I haven't seen a lot of the people that will be there for a long time, and I feel like I have something to prove. I don't know if I'm being irrational and setting my expectations too high...or if I'm just being realistic. I guess time will tell. Ok, enough for today...I need Ryan to wake up, cause I'm feeling hungry and sleeping children + hungry, bored Mum = bad habits!

"You're fat Mum!!"

I'm not sure why I've called my blog that...It's just the first thing that came into my mind. It's also what Ella announced at Play Centre about 3 Months ago as I sat at the morning tea table. I laughed at the time, and so did the Mums that were in ear shot...but I was mortified and I felt like crying. So in a round about way, that's what gave me the 'kick' I needed. People think that fat people don't know they're fat...well they do. It's hard not to notice when you can't do your pants up in the morning...when just finding something to wear everyday requires military precision. So, as of today I am 87kgs. I've lost 16kgs over the last 3 Months and I'm starting to feel good. People are starting to notice and comment. The first few weeks are rough....I fast and exercise. It's not something you can tell people you're doing without a raft of negative comments, so I tend to lie and when I'm asked how I'm doing it, I say 'I'm just watching what I eat'. When I started losing weight, I was 103kgs and a size 20. It's funny how you still try and deny it though...I hated my husband folding the washing cause I didn't want him to see the size of my clothes, which resembled small tents! I'm comfortably wearing a pair of size 16 pants today which I found in the back of my wardrobe, and I've had to buy myself a few new bits and pieces to accommodate my shrinking body. But it's certainly a long road....I have a goal weight of 65kgs and I've noticed the weight isn't coming off as quickly as it did in those first few weeks. I'll have to increase the amount of exercise I do, which I'm dreading as I HATE exercising with a passion. Having a treadmill has helped, but getting on it is a different story! I still feel hungry often too, and between 3-7pm is a bad time for me. I've given up dinner all together and usually have some fruit and a yogurts...but having to cook for the rest of the family poses a challenge and although I have given in a few times, I wont be anymore. So, I'll call today DAY 1, I'm feeling motivated and determined and while I still have some emotional demons that need to be dealt with (which I may or may not go into on here..lol) I know I can do it!!

A bit of back ground info....

Well, I suppose if I'm going to be honest with myself, I may as well start at the beginning. I'm a 26 year old Mum to 3, and I've been struggling with my weight for 9 years....the same age as my eldest child. I think when you have a baby at 17, you lose a piece of yourself and I'm certain that's what started my downward spiral of binge eating and progressive weight gain. I went from being a weight and image conscious teenager with a very active social life to a stay at home Mum, with NO social life and a world that revolved around my new baby. It's easy to do I suppose...my baby just became more important than me, and I guess I just stopped caring. Every now and then I would become motivated to lose some weight, but it would soon be followed by excessive eating and then weight gain that exceeded what I'd lost! I tipped the scales at 115kgs in 2004...2 years after trying to conceive our second baby, and comfort eating because I was depressed. After finally getting pregnant and having our beautiful Ella in 2005, I lost weight...and fast! I was down to around 73kgs and I felt great, but that all came crashing down after discovering I was pregnant with Ryan. I ate obsessively. Sometimes I would try and hide it from my husband because I was embarrassed, and other times I didn't care....I would order pizza, and polish off nearly 2 pizzas by myself. I would eat constantly during the day, to the point of feeling sick and nothing was off limits. Ryan was born in December 06, and I vowed to lose the weight I had put on....at this stage I was around 110kgs. I joined the gym and kept it up for a couple of months...but I found it tiring with a new baby, and a husband who worked long hours. Thinking back, I set myself up to fail...I didn't want to do the work to lose the weight, and my head wasn't in the right place to do it. So, the weight came on and every Monday I would lie to myself and say 'right, this is it...time to get rid of this weight'...but by Monday afternoon, I was raiding the cupboards and eating anything and everything. People talk about what motivates them to lose weight, and for me, it's a few things....I want my husband to look at me like he used to and be proud of me. I want my children to have a healthy Mother who isn't too embarrassed to go swimming with them on the beach, or even just be seen in public! I want to feel like ME again...not just a Mum or a Wife, but ME. I want to get my confidence back....and to not feel awkward all the time. I want to be able to walk into a room and not be the biggest person there. I want to be able to wear the clothes I like and not just the clothes that fit me. I want to be able to eat in public and not feel ashamed. I want to make my parents proud....my weight has always been an issue for them (not that they've ever said...but I just know). It's time for me to stop hurting my body...and although I've already lost a significant amount of weight so far, emotionally I still have a long way to go, and I guess that's why I've started this blog...to help with that.